Bad Parenting At Its Finest

The other day I had to take Jackson and Mia grocery shopping. By myself. It wouldn't have been so bad if I only had a few things to grab, but I had a whole list. And I would have waited until Tim was able to go with me, but I really didn't want to eat pickles and mustard sprinkled over Raman Noodles for breakfast. So I went alone.

I had Mia in her car seat, propped up in the front of the cart, and since there was no room for Jackson, he held onto the front of the cart while I pushed. He thought that was pretty cool - for about 20 seconds. Then he thought it was cool to run up and down the aisles, in front of little old ladies on motorized carts, and he even cut off a very questionable looking man who almost ran him over. I kept chasing him, but in order to do that, I had to just leave Mia hanging out all by herself with the fruit loops. And I'm not talking about the cereal.

In fear that my daughter would be kidnapped from Smith's produce section while I chased my out of control 2 year old through the feminine hygiene aisle, and tired of the dirty looks that people who have obviously never had children were giving me, I had to resort to drastic measures.

The store has put up a number if very scary decorations in lieu of upcoming Halloween holiday. These decorations are especially scary to a little 2 year old. A few weeks ago, while we were at the store, Tim thought it would be funny to take Jackson and show him this really scary looking life sized green man with huge eyeballs and scraggly hair. Jackson just about pooped his pants. Actually, I think he did. And he also screamed and cried and clawed at Tim's face and neck trying to get away from the "Scary Guy." Every day since then, Jackson has told me about the "scary guy," and how he was so scared, and he was saying "Mama! Mama! Hold me! Hold me!" Go ahead. Ask him about the scary guy. He'll tell you all about it. Over and over and over. Thinking about this big, green monster takes up most of his day.

So - instead of leaving the store with only 1/2 the items on my list - I got an idea. I casually walked an unsuspecting Jackson right up next to the scary guy and told him to look up. The boy just about passed out.

I had absolutely no problems with him after that. Because every time he tried to run away, I just had to remind him that there was a scary guy in the store, and he would stay close. Very close.

The funny part is, when I told this story to my sister, she thought the "scary guy" was some old hobo sitting outside the store. I have no idea where she got that idea, and I may be a bad parent, but I'm not that bad of a parent. No offense to those of you who've tried to sell your children to unsuspecting bums on the street.