HELP.

I thought eventually I'd become a night owl. But the fact that I've worked 2 nights in a row, and have to go back for a third night in about 5 hours, but I've been awake since noon (after 4 hours of sleep) is throwing that night owl theory right out the window. Subsequently, making me want to throw myself right out the window. However, we live on a ground level with no upstairs, so throwing myself out the window really would have no benefit at this point ... Damn it.

I have been avoiding caffeine for a while, thinking that maybe I would sleep better if I didn't drink it ... Mind you, I was really only drinking it once or twice a week to begin with. I am going to buy a case of caffeine, just as soon as I finish this blog. And I am too embarrassed to tell you how much of it I plan on consuming.

Tim bought me a happy lamp. Most likely in a feeble attempt to save my sanity. And his. And our children's. And our marriage. I have been using it regularly for 2 weeks. On the days I work, I use it right before my shift starts at 7PM. On the days I don't work, I use it right after my adorable children wake me up at 7AM. Is it working? Obviously not. My body has no idea when it's night or day because now I am having trouble sleeping at night.

Sometimes I take Benadryl. That usually buys me about 2 more hours of sleep and a gigantic hangover for about 10 hours afterwards.

I take vitamins. I drink Emergen-C. I eat well. I exercise 3-4 times a week. PEOPLE. I am training for a marathon. Tim wants more kids. And I am actually considering it for the first time in 3 1/2 years.

Oh. My. Gosh. I am a masochist.

This is insane.

Imagine with me. Going to bed at 3AM and waking up at 6AM for 3 days in a row. And now you get no sleep in between 6AM and 3AM the next morning. That's 9 hours of sleep in 3 days. I bet you need a nap just thinking about it. Now, do that at least 3 days a week for the rest of your life. That's about as much sleep as I get. NOW, twice a week try being awake for 24 straight hours. Get up at 7AM, do 4 loads of laundry, sweep and mop the floor, read books to your kids, go grocery shopping, load the dishwasher, wipe 5 year old boy and 3 year old girl pee off every surface of your bathroom, go running, cook dinner, give the kids a bath, take a shower, leave for work, and don't sit down for the next 12 hours.

So, who has suggestions? Advice? A miracle? Tell me.