Ever heard of The 5 Love Languages? Seriously, it's probably the only self help book I've ever read. Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever actually read the book. I think I just took the quiz like 6 years ago. And then I forced my spouse to enthusiastically take the quiz with me. The results were a little unnerving, since apparently we don't speak the same language, or even come from the same planet. Oh, whoops. I think I'm getting my self help books mixed up here.
The whole idea is that we speak different "languages" when it comes to expressing love and how we need love expressed to us, and how this affects us on an emotional level. For me, Acts of Service is #1. By a long shot. For Tim, Acts of Service is down on the bottom of his list. So when I pick up his socks that have so neatly fallen right next to the laundry basket for the 189,985,097,965,982 time without totally freaking out, and then I wash those socks, I iron those socks, I roll them up and put them away, really I'm telling him that I love him oh-so-very-much. Tim? He thinks a magical, endless supply of socks go missing from the floor and somehow end up in his drawer, cleaned and ironed. Which he may find a little odd, since who irons their socks? Actually, that's giving him a lot of credit. He probably doesn't even think about the socks. They just are. (Side note: I do not iron socks. I don't even make dinner, people. If I don't do that for my family, but I'm ironing socks for them, I need to be put on a really good OCD/anti psychotic med. Just sayin'.)
Tim, however, speaks Physical Touch fluently. (What can I say ... he's a boy.) So when I bite his head off for the 987,081,987,967th time for the endless touchy-feely-cuddly-please-keep-your-hands-off-me-because-I'm-tired-and-don't-you-realize-I-worked-last-night-and-just-want-to-sleep! To him that's pretty much saying, "I don't really like you and you've ruined my life."
Maybe you can see there might be a small communication problem going on here. This is where learning what language your spouse speaks comes in handy. Because next time he wants a little Physical Touch conversation, he might just do the dishes, mow the lawn, mop the floor, fold the laundry, and make dinner first. Now THAT is a conversation I can understand.
You can take the quiz here. And, if you're like me, you'll laugh hysterically that statements like, "I love having my husband's undivided attention" can even stand a chance against statements like, "I love that my husband helps clean the house." Because, well, to ME - that is so obvious! Clean the house, damn-it! I don't need you standing there looking at me all googly-eyed pretending you're interested in what I have to say! There are dishes to be done, man! But, then again, that's the kind of loving relationship that has made our marriage last as long as it has.
So take the quiz. Then coax (force?) your spouse to take it, too. Seriously people. I'm writing a blog about how our love language affects us on an emotional level. I'm a Capricorn. This "emotional level" stuff gives me anxiety and makes me want to go scrub my floor boards 3x's in a row, and then go count all the light fixtures in the house in an orderly fashion, so I must think it's really that important to share.
2 comments:
Haha Katie, Exactly. Jimmy and I took the quiz when we were first married and a few times since. I am the quality time Jimmy is the physical touch. You read my mind exactly. I agree though that is is so important and helpful to understand that about each other! Thanks for sharing and always the laugh.
I took it... I kind of tied with everything. So I need them all! Does that make me needy? I could have told you that without the quiz. Dad told Devin before we got married that I required a lot of time and energy!! haha.
Devin got confused and was trying to answer the questions like, what DOES your wife do for you, not what DO YOU WISH your wife would do. It was a really tough quiz for him, needless to say.
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