Is There A Psychiatrist In The House?

Since my sister, Emily, posted this blog about worrying, and I'm studying anxiety in my Psych/Mental Health nursing class, I've been thinking a lot about the things that make me experience anxiety.

Anxiety is one of those words that's tossed around liberally here at our house. I have a lot of it. I'm pretty sure I could be medicated for it, but I prefer to deal with it in much more constructive ways - like hyperventilating. I'm pretty sure Tim just rolls his eyes anymore when I exclaim, "Oh my gosh. I have so much anxiety about this." Because that's what supportive husbands do.

So here are a few extremely stupid things that make my heart rate speed up, my mind start spinning, keep me awake at night, and cause me much angst.

*Not being able to sleep at night. I have insomnia often, and if I start worrying about sleep, even before I'm getting into my pajamas, I'm probably not going to sleep. It's a vicious cycle. If I worry about not sleeping, I don't sleep, and then I have a long day and when it's time for bed I worry that, since I didn't sleep the night before, I'm not going to sleep that night, and so I don't. Just writing that gave me anxiety. And that sentence probably confused the hell out of most of you.

*Fireworks done at home. I hate them. I'm pretty sure we're going to all get blown up one of these days. Either that, or blow the neighbors roof off. I don't know which is worse.

*Calling in sick for work. I seriously would rather go to work sick then have to call in. I'm always worried about who is going to have to cover for me if I don't go in? Who? For the LOVE, tell me WHO? Like there aren't at least 15 other people who can do my exact job at the lab.

*General chit-chat conversations and being social. Was I rude? Did I say something offending? Did I talk too much about myself? Was I not concerned enough? Did they think I was embarrassed? (I'm rarely embarrassed, by the way.)

*While shopping, I worry that the stores are going to think I'm shoplifting. I haven't shoplifted since I was 4 and took bubble gum and Carmex from my dad's store.

*Math. I don't think I need to elaborate.

*Being a passenger in the car on the freeway. Actually, driving on the freeway, too, but much more so when I'm the passenger. I'm always doing the white-knuckle-grip to the door handle, making my husband totally crazy.

*In church, when other people get up on fast Sunday and start rambling incessantly about nothing related to church. Like giggling through a play by play of their recent engagement, or droning on about how they hate their job, or about how the church messed up their last tithing slip and they just can't figure out how that happened ... ANYWAY - it gives ME anxiety for them. Like I don't have enough of my own anxiety to deal with, I have to have it for them, too.

And that's the short list. So, as you can see, I probably qualify for some of the the really good drugs, like Valium, except the thought of taking drugs for anxiety gives me anxiety. I even avoid caffeine - and I'm sure you can imagine why. Oh my gosh. Can you imagine that? A totally freaked out, anxious, nut job hyped up on a Red Bull? I just had an anxiety attack. Excuse me, I need to go breathe into a paper bag.